Sheikh, not so rattled and belly rolled.

I spent two weeks back to back in Muslim countries. They couldn’t have differed more: Saudi Arabia and the UAE.

It took over a month to expedite my Saudi visa, with far too many stressful emails and phone calls but it seemed like a breeze compared to getting the authorisation to go! It wasn’t until I was at the transfer desk in Paris that found out I had the green light to hop on the plane to Jeddah. The idea of visiting Saudi had never appealed to me. The beheadings, the chopping off the hands and the mere fact, women are treated like second class citizens may have had everything to do with it (but it didn’t stop me from visiting the execution square) I was exercising my deep breathing technique from the moment I left Newcastle and until I got through immigration at Jeddah. I was more than apprehensive and I was not looking forward to this trip. When the plane landed I wanted to cry. I really didn’t want to go. Disembarking I noticed a man wearing nothing more than a white shabby towel or two. I know now that he was preparing for his pilgrimage to Mecca and was wearing his ihram. The announcement what I thought was the notification to switch off electrical equipment was in actual fact the announcement that we were approaching the Miqat which is the point where you start preparing for your pilgrimage to Mecca. Who knew! Immigration was full of men in their white towels which of course intrigued me more as this was prior to me consulting my friend Wikipedia to find out what it all signified. Seeing men in their state of ihram coupled with their huge Rolex watches and MacDonalds was a pretty unique sight!

The company I was visiting had paid somebody to follow me from the moment I disembarked till I got through immigration to make sure it was seamless. I didn’t notice except for this man tapped me on the shoulder to ask if I was his cousin. Clearly, we weren’t as he was Arabian, Seamless? I had to do my fingerprints over 8 times! When I entered the country I was met with open arms, a welcome committee, an abaya, matching head scarf, 12 red roses, a Granny Smith apple and coconut macaroons!

I arrived at ridiculous o’clock and I didn’t anticipate that Jeddah was going to be how it is. It’s full of huge buildings, neon lights and American chain restaurants. I didn’t expect to see people walking along the Corniche at 2:30am, getting ice cream at Baskin Robbins or having post midnight feasts at Macdonalds.

I loved my visit to Jeddah albeit it was suffocating towards the end. Wearing the abaya was a challenge when it was 4 inches too long and 30 Deg C! Walking up stairs really demonstrated my lack of finesse and a bell sleeved abaya for pointing at the instrument and sharing food is a no no I was told not to be the loud mouth Geordie I am and to be demure. I failed at both of them but I got along just fine, hanging out with the boys and ate broasted chicken at Al Baik. I don’t know what I was going to expect in Jeddah but the women were all Chanel handbags and Laboutins. Women aren’t permitted to drive and indigenous Arabian women aren’t permitted to work but the women I met were highly educated, had studied overseas and treated like queens. I equated this to the Amish and resprunga. The women that I spoke to are hopeful that things will change and when they do they are ready to enter the workforce with their degrees and the languages they speak! I was told about the ‘family areas’ in restaurants that section off areas for women and their family so they can take their burqas off to eat. I was fascinated with the burqa and there are different ways to wear them. My particular favourite was the shuttlecock one. Women have wonderful skin because they have never sun baked but they have to get vitamin D tested because they don't see any sun!

The local food was amazing, fresh and healthy but there were so many American fast food chains but I can proudly say that the Anglo Saxon didn’t kick in and I didn’t frequent any of them. The distributor threw a party for me. Since I was guest of honour and had to receive everyone who came. I hated every last minute of it but it was humbling that people had come to see me.

The sales rep thought it would be fun to go bowling…..wearing an abaya and I had to wear the bowling shoes with no socks on. Ergghhhhh. When I texted my friend with my dismay all she could say was to release the ball low to the ground and gave me tips. We all know I need everything to improve my game. I didn’t win but I was the only one who got a strike! One of the sites I visited really was on the road to Mecca. I went to another account in area near the seaport called Quarantina from the word quarantine as this is where they housed the sick immigrants from Africa. Today, this area is still a predominantly African area and I was told I could see anybody from Dr. Alban to 50 Cent. Hmmm, I am sure 50 Cent would be gutted to know he was mentioned in the same sentence as the 90s one hit wonder. Another customer couldn’t make it to my workshop as it was all hands on deck in his hospital as they had an infamous patient residing…..Mubarak. I was stood up for the ex Egyptian president. There is very little in the way of entertainment so everyone goes shopping. The malls are aplenty and they have shops from all over the world….BHS, M+S, etc etc. Of course there are the designer stores too and three storey Starbucks!.

I expected nothing from this country but I have to say I felt it was my most successful trip both professionally and personally. I learnt so much about a country that I looked at with blinkers on! I was treated very well but I did find it stifling. I have to admit that I secretly fist pumped when I saw that it’s now on my restricted travel zone and I can’t go to Riyadh for the time being!

My photos are so boring but I was advised not to walk around on my own to photograph the sculptures on the Corniche!

Jeddah Photos

The following week I went to Dubai. I got to the hotel at 3am sans luggage, training material toothbrush and spare pants. Emirates are so strict with their hand luggage policy or I wouldn’t have travelled so amateur like! Somebody had taken my case to Abu Dhabi. I was told that our cases looked so similar but I saw the case they had left behind and mine did not look like that…..all I could say was ‘mine is a Samsonite’ Anyway, the next day I had to make one of the hardest decisions in my life: wear an ‘I love Dubai’ tee shirt from the gift shop or yesterday’s clothes. So I opted for yesterday’s clothes after I saw the price. I met customers from four countries sporting, jeans, hooded top and dirty white Converse. Just to add to my woo, I had inadvertently taken a night time decongestant and I had to sit next to the new boss for seven hours.

I did a quick trip of Dubai but there was very little to see. The driver kept trying to palm me off with shopping malls and I just wasn’t in the mood for shopping. The best thing I did see was when I went to do some recon on a function room in a hotel. Whilst I was waiting for my appointment I saw this American Grandpa who was so proud of himself for picking up two Russian hookers. I think she signed the deal with her smooth line of “spend 2 minutes with me and you will know me very well after that”

Dubai is great for the weather and the decadence but I had a super quick trip, ate dinner in the same restaurant twice and wore the same clothes as I travelled in for a 7 hour meeting so maybe my opinion is jaded! To me, it’s like Vegas without the gambling!