All cigarettes and (no) alcohol

They certainly flew their flag with pride

North Africa was the next stamp on my well exercised passport. To be precise: Tunisia. First African and first Muslim country in my vast territory.. Muslim country the week before Christmas, my ideal! Tunisia is 98% Muslim and a very homogenised country when it comes to race but I think in Tunis, especially, they exercise their faith like Christianity is in the States where Easter is barely recognised!

Of course my naivety gets the better of me each time and the rabbit in headlights mode kicks in …..this time I forgot I don’t speak Arabic or French. All those years ago I managed to book a gite for my French GCSE but, again, when the immigration person asked, en Francais, my name, I crumbled. Such a loser.

We have all been brought up not to get into cars with strange men but guess which fool did? I got into a car which was not taxi marked sans meter aussi et charged 6 times more than it should have been. He asked for one more dinah for the toll and then he high fived me for my appalling French. Certainly didn’t blow it up with him. Cheeky bugger.

The work aspect was very successful but my time there wasn’t. I was harassed off the locals, had two very intrusive massages (did I not learn from the first one and the second one she gave me a groin strain and I actually heard something pop), fell off a curb, twisted my ankle and wiping out, whilst checking out a blonde and I don’t even like blondes as a rule and this was in front of my customer, got a virus on my lap top, and then scored slides down the microscope whilst the pathologist smoked cigarettes and force fed me some home made chicken dish….home cooked food off customers is my biggest fear. Every GLP rule was broken in that one lab…..buerre dans la frigo, eating lunch in the lab, drinking the water supply and of course smoking. Of course smoking because as much as the multiple posted no smoking signs seemed to be ignored by everyone everywhere.



Hard day in the office



It was all very flat roof and satellite dishes where I was but Tunis proper was nice. You could have been in Europe with the wide boulevards and the café culture (and I did pass the Tour Eiffel. No, I really did and it wasn’t the hookah playing tricks) and at one point I thought it was akin to Saint Louis and West Palm Beach. (WPB made me want to cry too) I went into the medina but was warned not to turn left or right, take photographs or go further than 20 meters. I actually listened to what I was told and the constant hammering of the brass trinkets was enough for anybody not to want to venture more than 10 metres. You will just have to believe me that the colours were wonderful and the things to buy were great as my photos don’t do most things justice but they certainly didn’t here.



Fish and chips....Tunisian style.



Again, I was shown great hospitality and the kindness was overwhelming. I was invited to a customer’s house for dinner and as mentioned, home cooked food by customers isn’t on my to do list but I couldn’t turn them down and say I was too busy playing Scrabble or Lexulous on Facebook. That invitation caused anxiety for two days but I am so pleased I went as it was a delicious feast of true Tunisian food. Tunisian food is wonderful. For my first three meals I ate fish and chips and kebabs…..who said I wasn’t Geordie. Harrisa paste, olives and fennel. Hmmm, yes please I thought I was being tough whilst I pretended that I wasn’t burning my mouth off.

I really thought my days were numbered during my time there. My second cab ride was an experience that I didn’t think I was going to be able to write home about. As much as I may not be able to drive, I have had a lot of experience of being a passenger in countries where it’s not permitted to follow the rules of the road and stay in lane. Well this cab driver didn’t want to go against the grain so when he was honked at several times because he was cutting up a car he decided he would stop in the middle of a crossroads, in a huge rainstorm and take on two men who were half his age and twice his size. So I thought once they had killed the little old but aggressive man that they would then have to kill me as I would be the number one witness to their crime. So, what was a girl to do apart from shout at the top of her lungs “ARRET” in the back of the cab. The driver got back in like nothing had happened. C’est la vie, I suppose! The last parting shot was when my cases were hijacked by a professional porter who walked me to the wrong airline counter and he still expected a tip. Cheeky bugger.

Clearly the worst photos I have taken but I was trying to be discrete so I didn't get mugged.

I may not be the most slick and I am certainly not the most savvy person whilst on the road but I wouldn’t swap these experiences for anything

2010 has been a very interesting year. I have experienced monsoon season in Mumbai, a drought in Vellore, slept on a leopard print mattress in Siberia, went sight seeing when it was minus 25 deg C in Moscow, ate cheese sandwiches for 12 meals in Nussloch, was served a leg of veal in Belgrade and tasted communism in a glass in Prague. I am so lucky to get to see the places I do and to experience everyday life of these cities. I am finishing the year with one last trip…….in the words of Frank Sinatra…..Chicago Chicago. My kind of town.

Fur coat and thermal knickers.

I was so apprehensive about going to Russia and I had every right to feel that way. What an imposing country! I have never felt so overwhelmed so much so that I nearly cried when the person at immigration asked my name when entering the country.

So, my driver, Samson, picked me up after he took 2.5 hours to get to the airport to drop me of at a hotel that you can see from the door of the airport. He got me back as he made me climb over a fence with my luggage and when he left me sitting in the car for 30 minutes to do his weekly shopping. I flew into Moscow to fly to bleeding Omsk the next day. I had seen Omsk airport on a programme about mail order brides and I felt so lucky that it was night when I landed as the show didn’t do it any favours. It’s always my biggest fear that somebody will make off with my collection of cardigans in my suitcase but the airports in Russia check your luggage tag before you leave baggage claim. I was so impressed!

It caused a lot of merriment to a few people that I was going to Siberia in December but I can say that I managed the cold better than those back at home. Ordinarily, I like to see a city that I go to but I don’t think I missed out on seeing this one.The word hotel is being used in the loosest sense of the word. It was part of the hospital with disposable bed sheets and I was trying to ignore the leopard print mattress or the fact they tried to make me share a room with the distributor or the fact there were no amenities (iron, hairdryer,, towels and clock) but I do have to say that it had better placed sockets than any other place I have stayed in. I tried to ignore getting served meat filled crepes and tea from a woman at midnight donning a dressing gown with wolves on. The next morning I was greeted with two giant meatballs on a bed of mash for breakfast and I think it was a bit of a Georgy Girl moment when the same crepes reappeared on the table. Thankfully, I am little Karl Pilkington like and I pack crisps and choc on all my trips on the off chance the local cuisine and I don’t get on. Describing Omsk as provincial could be a slight understatement…….akin to Dubuque and we know how I feel to about that city. The only English words the people could say was “ Paulina” and cheers. ….4 litres of the evil stuff was consumed and the table just kept toasting to me so I had to have a sip each time. Let’s jut say vodka and Lemsip are not a good combo for anyone never mind this Chinese livered being! Well of course, the Russian folk songs broke out. It was a true Russian experience. Very surreal. Luckily, it was getting towards 10 pm and we had to call it a night before they closed the underground tunnel that lead back to the “hotel” as at 10 o’clock they let the wild dogs sleep in the tunnel. We had an early flight to catch in the morning. Brrrr, I did experience Siberia proper in the morning. Minus 27 deg C. I thought I was seeing things when I saw fur clad men on ice clad ponies riding around the airport and there must have been some type of re-enactment going on because men with swords and costumes could get through security but men with keys in their pockets couldn’t.

So the only day I don’t have anything scheduled just so happens to be coldest December 1st in Moscow since 1931. I was a little fearful of heading into the city on my own but I was so pleased I did. I hate being cold and I can’t even ride the el in Chicago. Well, I donned the thermals and rode the Metro where all the signs are in Cyrillic. I was so chuffed with myself. I think this could be my biggest achievement to date. The Metro stations are so ornate and well maintained. No graffiti or litter. I didn’t get much further than Red Square but I think I could be forgiven when it was so cold. There was such a serene atmosphere when you walked across it even though there was an ice rink plonked in the middle of it. St Basil’s Cathedral took my breath away. What a building!

I took so many photographs of it that my camera froze over and the condensation from my cheek on the screen froze straight away. I thought I was taking pictures of the Bolshoy Theatre but upon retrospective consulation of my map, it wasn’t! My map reading skills are a lot to be desired. Every shopper out there needs to experience GUM. What a place. They are opening a Leica camera shop there because it’s Puitin’s camera of choice. Shame it’s so far removed from our branch of the company. We know I go around with a scowl on my face for most part but I was quite the ray of sunshine in comparison to the locals. Nobody looks you in the eye.and people seem so sad. They probably aren’t but I think it’s more acceptable to be seen as dower and humble whilst fur clad donning, LV, Chanel and Gucci and sporting Prada shades. So I was in Moscow when Russia were awarded the 2018 Word Cup……I thought this would be a huge deal…..nope, no mention of it. No celebration, no nothing but at least unlike a lot of my fellow country men they weren’t smug and in my face that they white washed England! I met a nice Russian couple at the airport who were travelling onto Newcastle from Moscow and they agreed that nobody smiles and that football isn’t so popular in their country.

Ordinarily I like to sample the local cuisine but after the dinner in Omsk, it was OK not to. I didn’t complain when I was taken out for sushi, Italian and German fare (Pushkin, the poet use to hang out in this building where the German Restaurant was) So many things have mystified me during my time there, like women wearing stilettos when it’s icy, why don’t drinks in outdoor vending machines freeze in the ridiculous sub zero temperatures, the constant 80s music on the radio stations and the sex stores on the road side but I will be glad to say that I survived Siberia and Moscow albeit with very little grace.

Doubters 0 – 1 Pauline.

Sorry for the out of focus pictures but it was too cold to take my gloves off.

You can't judge a book by it's cover.......

When I knew you didn’t need a business visa to enter the country then it went straight to number one! So it was to Belgrade I went. The only things I knew about Serbia is that there was a lot of civil unrest in the not so distant past and it’s Eastern Europe.  We can say we don’t but it’s human nature to prejudge and my mind was made up on Belgrade by the people boarding the plane!!! JAT airlines, on the basis of the food, would not be airline of choice but the leg room was amazing and maybe that’s to accommodate the giants of Serbia.I thought, here we go again but I was proved wrong. I fell in love with Belgrade for the hotel alone! The room was amaze (isn’t that on trend word? Well it is according to Grazia, my favourite travelling companion. The bathroom was so clean and I didn’t feel the need to give it the once over with an antiseptic wipe. I even walked around sans slippers and went bare foot. The hairdryer did annoy me somewhat because it switched on when you lifted the hose to your head but standing at 5 ft 2” this wasn’t happening for me. Buggeration. The lab facility was like nothing I have ever seen and the fact you could eat in it was a double bonus! The only thing I could have asked for was uglier people as every other woman looked like a supermodel. People in Serbia are so genuinely kind and it’s very humbling. The pathologist went out for a stroll in the rain to get this princess a carton of apple juice The people, the fashions and the lifestyle could have eluded you to thinking you were in western Europe but the signs in Cyrillic gave it away.

I was introduced to the world of veal. Bloody delicious. Ethically, not so much but when there is a leg of veal on the table, and you don’t get to eat lunch till 530pm, what you going to do? I was promised dinner in a famous typical Serbian restaurant where grilled meat is very popular. The waiter served me the traditional fare and dished me up a hamburger patty and fries.
Belgrade is a wonderful city, so European chic and they are trying to do something about the bleeding smoking. The people are kind and so hospitable and I can say that it boasts the most beautiful men. I would encourage anybody to visit.

My life in hotels and food during my stay in Belgrade.

Definitely the last days of the Rage......

I had a one day turn around from Mumbai to Chicago.  The jet lag was the worst I have ever felt but I manned up and coped as well I could. It was so good to be back in the city and so good to feel sunshine and see a blue sky. I may have scoffed at everyone griping about the mossies in the city this summer but bloody hell they weren't joking! How can I go to India twice and never be bitten and then land in Chicago and get attacked, Bastards. My poor ankles. Thank you to Lisa and Al for putting up with me for so long. Home from home really. I caught up with everyone I could. I went to Kris' baby shower and lost at the games, much to my chagrin, went to my first and last American football game (it was tough going not knowing the rules and my bible, Wikipedia wasn't at hand), drank beers in the bleachers and of course frequented, Anthro, Blue Mercury and Cozy. I found myself eating Thai food at 11:00am. Ha! It was lovely to see everyone again, including Tee from Cozy, from  and so sad to leave as there were no imminent plans to return. So lucky to have met such fantastic girls.

I fulfilled one of my dreams and we went to see Mount Rushmore.  It was a double bonus as there were Amish people there so of course I spent my time stalking them. Mount Rushmore didn't disappoint and it was a dream come true to see the monument! Still can't name that 4th president. Lincoln, Washington, Teddy R and Whatshisface. Olivia and I also went to a Bear County in the Black Hills. It may have been a wildlife sanctuary but to see the grizzlies, the bison, the wolves and the ever so cute cubs (not Theriot) was truly spectacular!

Chicago and Mount Rushmore

So after hols, the reality set in and after a 30 hour return trip I knew I had to go to work the next day to apply for another visa to India and then head to Russia the following week. Well, my visa got stuck in the Indian consulate, referring my application to Dehli (at the same time as the disaster known as the Commonwealth games were on) and was told that due to my ancestry that it was being investigated. Ancestry? I'm a Geordie!  The messenger really did get shot in this case and I spent a whole week on the phone sorting out the crap. So because I didn't have my passport it meant that I didn't get to go to Omsk and Moscow.....damn, I missed out on Omsk. After seeing the airport on a programme about mail order brides I don't think it was a great hard ship missing out on that trip but for penance I am being sent to Siberia in December.and there's no sign of my Indian visa. Bollocks

Last days of the Rage......

The last two months have been sat in the office waiting none too patiently for my next trip, looking out into onto the grey sky and reminding myself you don't come to England for the weather. Luckily, the time has come and I am hitting the road again. Big cheers all round.


Mumbai was calling my name. Time to get reintoroduced to dosa. Yum. This time I didn't pack my naivety and wasn't going to ask what kind of animal I had just passed on the road when it was clearly a cow. I thought I was all set as I was armed with my rain coat, wellies and wits this time. My ignorance gets the better of me everytime. Mumbai in monsoon season and going to a hospital in a developing country is something else! 

A lot can be said about the NHS and how blessed we are but this lab have a chai wallah. So I think that could be one-nil to TATA Memorial but I do have have to say that there seems to be more limbless and dwarves in India.

So I get off the plane expecting downpours but there was nothing more than humidity. Where were the rains I had been forewarned about?  So those bloody monsoon rains did hit but the Marc Jacobs umbrella (I hasten to add that it was a gift) came in very handy. After flying 9K miles, a 4.5 hour time difference and a nine hour working day, Marc Jacobs or not, my body just gave up. The 28" legs just couldn't carry me fast enough and I was left stranded in a puddle in the middle of a crazy intersection. The locals were still getting on with their everyday life protecting themselves from the rain with their handkerchiefs and a smile. 

There wasn't much, in fact there was nothing going on in the hotel so I thought I would go for a little adventure and hired a driver for the day. I didn't have a clue what he was saying and I know the feeling was mutual. So in true Geordie style I went to a shopping mall on a Sunday which has a Marks and Spencers cicra Blue Harbour days. Had myself a £3  fish pedi. Hope they enjoyed snacking on my hard skin and hair on my toes - hobbit no more!  I sampled a thali. Delicious but I had no clue what I was eating except for the cauliflower and lentils. The waiters were fearful that it was too spicy for me but in actual fact there was just too much of it. Did a little bit of shopping and I was so proud of my self because I haggled for the first time ever and after the purchase I realised I didn't get a bargain at all but I do now have a beautiful pashmina!

So Parker took me around the sites of Mumbai. The biggest slum in those parts and not just in India but Sri Lanka too and said with such pride. I went to Juhu beach. The beach was right down my street as everyone was fully clothed. I have always been tickled by the film Bhaji on the Beach but in actual fact it's more like chana masala on the beach.

 Did the monkey entertainer know me because when he said Cuddles would dance for me as he knows how to break dance and had some MJ's moves too.Wish I had paid my rupees just to see that. Missed a great photo opportunity. Passed the slum that Slumdog was based around. Parker just kept trying to throw me out the car and go and see things but it was just too damn humid. and the fact I was the only non Indian person around in a miles radius. Again, why did I think people weren't going to stare at me. Felt like Topeka all over again.  Parker insisted I see a particular temple. I had to go through airport security to get in there and then I got thrown out because I had a camera. Who gets thrown out of a temple? I was being discrete this time too. So Parker drove and drove for my 80km allocation. It was just amazing to see things so different to what I know. I am so lucky!

If you can get over the poverty and the begging then Mumbai is a must. The locals are faced with adversity but it doesn't stop them smiling. It certainly teach us a lesson in life

http://picasaweb.google.co.uk/wlpwong/Mumbai?locked=true#

 

Next stop Moscow  but after a little holiday in Chicago!

So on to Prague.

Staying local in Europe. It still took forever to get there but we did it via 2 airport lounges.  The Newcastle lounge isn't that much to write home about although it minimised time with the chavs but the KLM lounge in AMS is my kind of thing, for the free biscuits alone. You can actually buy them from Walgreens for $3 and they call them the "European Cookie" but they tasted  that extra bit yummy because they were free. I was very excited to go to Prague but I forgot I was going for work. I went from a 5 star hotel in India to the family run hotel with a single bed......single bed. Oh how the tides change! I had a restless night's sleep, tossed and turned and head butted the wall . Single bed, I tell you! This may be too much info but let's just say if you had normal length legs then you would have had to keep the door open of the bathroom. Very reminiscent of The Hudson sans chicness and cleanliness. I made the mistake of "mentioning" that it would be preferable to have a non smoking room the next time. Ha, fool on me because I don't think such things exist in Praha. So as mentioned, of course I was going for work and work I did. Again, oh how the tides change. I spent most of my time in a car between Pilsen and Prague. Pilsen, home of the original pilsen beer and of course, Skoda! And in a garage, sorry, the service room of the customer's facilities. At least it sheltered me from the storms.  So, work was a farce. Set up and packed up the instrument 5 times to get thrown out of the customer account but I am thankful that I did as it meant I got to do some sight seeing.

Prague is nothing more than beautiful. The architecture, the magnificent views and the lushness of the valley mesmerised me. Even the hoards of tourists in the thunderstorm and the millions of mosquitoes didn't disturb me. I had a fantastic tour guide who told me the history of the city and made sure I did the tourist trail. The tour guide was our customer who introduced me to the world of Kofola, the taste of communism (locally formulated equivalent of Coke and Pepsi that was produced during the communist regime so people didn't have to pay the premium for the real stuff), Czech food which was meat laden and devoid of vitamin C and the differentiation of men and women's names in the Slavic area. Did you know that you can instantly tell if somebody is a woman or a man from their surname? The ova suffix is denoting of somebody being female. Ova as in ovum as in the female gamete. Cool, huh? He was going on that the none Europeans go crazy for the narrow cobbled streets. I know what he means but I was I was going crazy for them too.

Prague, you are one beautiful city. I can forgive the 80s fashion and the mullet hair but when you've adapted to a very nice smoke free life it's more than bothersome when it's all about the smoking in that city. I tolerated the smoking for the 3 days and then when I did in true me fashion, piss and moan about it, the locals were shocked to hear that a whole host of European countries have banned it in public places. There is more than enough McDonalds there  and C+A still has a heavy present too but what  did tickle me was that their big supermarket  chain is Tesco! Gotta love Tesco.

A Bientot Prague. Next stop maybe a return to India or.........Belarus.


Praha Pics

So off on my first solo trip

and India it is! NCL don't normally fly to places where people aren't interested in a 2 week package but luckily, DBX is becoming one of those places. A comfy Emirates flight. I swapped my 3 seats to that of 2 with a woman who had 2 kids. It would have been rude not to. I had 2 seats and the front row so there was heaps around for as previously mentioned, long legs! Bill Bryson, Baileys and some chick flicks made the time pass quickly. If you speak my language in terms of food, who would have thought that DBX would have a Paul....French (we love all things French) Bakery. I didn't indulge in the macarons but will for sure on the way back. Boarding to Chennai was crazy. I have never seen so much duty free purchased. So when they said they would board us in groups this was enough reason for all passengers to surge forward with their flipping duty free. Anyway, Pauline's hand luggage 1-0 Over Purchased Duty Free (sorry for talking about myself in third person)

The flight to Chennai was none eventful. Being served curry for brekkie didn't phase me but it did make me giggle as ordinarily it's from the previous night's take away.

So maybe I have been pretty naive when I took on this job. When people said I was going to get a huge culture shock I wasn't really listening. I was so overwhelmed when I exited the airport. It was chaos. Thousands of people everywhere and  it became pretty daunting when you realise you don't know who you are looking for or have their number. I applied my well known deep breathing technique when I get stressed or want to cry. Luckily, they eventually called me....after an hour in the heat with the flies.

The culture shock hit me straightaway. There really are cows roaming the streets. Words and pictures can't even describe what I have seen over the last week.  India is such a colourful place in every sense of the word. It's very humbling and it made me realise that the Marc Jacobs bag I have my eye on doesn't really matter.Everyone has been so kind and appeasing (just like the shop assistants down Michigan Ave)  Why did I think that nobody was going to be tickled by the Chinese looks and English accent like they are in middle America because that's all people have asked about. We know I can't drive but I am sure I could here. It's crazy. Nobody keeps to the lanes and I didn't realise that the preferred mode of transport, is auto rickshaw or a motorbike. People hang off the buses as they're so cramped. I will never complain about the number 4 bus ever again!

Again, my naivety allowed to take myself out with my camera.  I was the only non Indian person for a 20 km radius. The first time I went into the slums and this man started chasing me shouting "photo photo" My Birks couldn't carry me fast enough and yesterday I thought the little girls were being so cute wanting to be photographed but of course they wanted rupees.

I have been so careful with the food. I got really sick in Chicago with the milk but who would have thought my gut would cooperate. Devastated as I was banking on shedding a  few lbs. I was reminded that I won't get a good burger in Chennai, no probably not as it's predominantly vegetarian but flipping heck there is only so much potatoes, rice, lentils and peas anybody can eat and I would even put up with a Maccas right now.  I sampled my first and I also hasten to add, my last, massage yesterday. I was traumatised. It was just too naked for this prude and then the masseuse poured half a bottle of Crisp and Dry into my hair and it's taken a $8 mini bottle of Bumble and Bumble and 2 x hotel shampoos to wash it out.

I have seen so many things that I wouldn't see in my everyday life, cows roaming the streets, autorickshaws, babies on motorbikes, monkeys in the wild, fresh durians, Rajiv Gandhi's assassination spot and a decapitated man!

India, it's been a pleasure and I know I will see you very soon but next stop is Prague.

http://picasaweb.google.co.uk/wlpwong/India?locked=true#

Hitting the Road

It took three months but I finally left Chicago. Luckily, I had packed $250 of excess luggage because the shippers had lost 3 years of belongings......see those 5 pairs of shorts and 10 pairs of shoes came are coming in handy! There is still no sign of my stuff which is a bit of a bugger. but apparently it's in England somewhere.

Left Chicago on the Saturday and I would like to say sans tears but that would be lying, landed on the Sunday, ate a sausage roll for breakfast in Schipol (just practicing to get back into the British way of life), slept on the Monday as it was a public holiday and then started work on the Tuesday with a 4 hour car ride with my new boss! Travelled the length of the country to go and fill out bank details and to pick up a lap top and BlackBerry that weren't there! Strange to be back but heck I am welcoming working and being surrounded by funny and witty people.

After a week in a half in the office I got itchy feet but luckily I got to hit the road. My first trip was to Hamburg. It took bloody 2 days to get there. The epic journey started with a first class carriage train ride to the Capitale. It was good to be in the Big Smoke but it was hectic so I swapped out Selfridges for Sainburys. Then the following morning I managed to grab a flight out of Heathrow before the airport was crippled by the ash cloud. Still love Terminal 5. So after 3 years of being all about the aisle seat I was booked on a middle seat! Not cool but the European airlines seem to have more room to accommodate my 28" pins.

A Far Cry From 15th and California