So it has been a year since I updated this. Laziness 1 -0 Me. It always wins! My last post was from India and my last trip was to India and even to the same hospital. I am just glad that it's no longer a construction site.

The arduous journey started at the airport. I was a little bit too relaxed on my last visit to India and got sick with heat stroke so 22 kilos of medication packed and I was that girl at check in juggling luggage between cases. After a 7 hour journey for the first flight and a urine soaked 7 year old sat next to me, who decided it was standard practice to piss in his pants, put me in good stead for the connection to be then shouted at by a 4 year old who wouldn't get out of my seat. Cute for a minute but the other nine were a little embarrassing. Where the heck was her Mum? This is when I decided I was divorcing Emirates but I just hope the decree absolute comes through after my return journey.

I stayed at the Swissotel. When making my booking I did check, twice, that I had reserved the room with the outdoor private jacuzzi and there was an infinity pool. Well, all people in Kolkata were subjected to a bloody infinity pool as it was monsoon season and it just didn't stop raining. The hotel was like a five star Fawlty Towers. From sending an engineer (a man with a screw driver) to fix the £5 iron, to the hotel manager and security guard knocking on my door as they hadn't seen me that day and thought something had happened and then getting a little too well handled during a happy hour massage! I think the icing on the cake was when I fell off the tread mill in a the glass walled gym when there was a fashion shoot on the other side of the wall with beautiful male models. Beautiful male models. Was it not bad enough I was wearing a tee shirt sporting a hot dog! Oh, that may have been the icing but the cherry, was being sick over the same tread mill. Coffee, water and anti-malaria tablets pre a quick dash are not advisable. I did the right thing and cleaned up the mess my self. On the upside I wasn't sporting a wiener on my shirt. 

I have to admit I would recommend anybody to stay in that hotel, despite the food been crap, because the concierge at the airport did all my checking in for me, got my luggage scanned, filled out my immigration form and walked me to the air side carrying my hand luggage. 



Hogging the air con.



I am never sad to leave India but it the country must be good for me. I accepted a compliment with such grace when the director of the hospital told me I had neat hand writing. At last, recognition for my greatest achievement!

So on to Dubai...

This city irritates me. It's Vegas with more stylin' people and no gambling so where is the fun in that? I was just not a fan until I went to the Jumeriah Zabeel Saray spa. It's billed as the best spa in the UAE. I have limited and horrendous spa experiences (this one wasn't far off as I don't know if it is normal to place the hot stones down your bikini bottoms?) but the spa itself was just amazing. I was there for 4 hours of bliss. I may have burnt the soles of my feet on the sauna floor but easily remedied with the snow room. I didn't think it was a big deal when I first went in. Industrial freezer came to mind but it wasn't switched on. Switched on was another matter. Wearing a bikini, in the snow, in the desert is just an experience and a half and brought big big smiles to this grumpy face. The locals went to the offending sauna and I had the snow room to myself.



The GPS reading for The Palms.



I did a little recce of the hotel and Jermain Defoe was at the pool. I recognised him by his gappy teeth. All that money and you would think he would invest in an Invisalign brace. You can always spot the English as it's ridiculous degrees out and they're oiled up frying.

Dubai may grow on me as I know my next trip isn't going to be able to compare!